Calgary isn't near the top for a city to vacation in and if you take the mountains out of the equation, don't ask. (Brett Gundlock/ SUN MEDIA)

Horror of horrors.

Can hear the screams, can feel the tide of disgust and denial rolling out of many a chip-on-their-shoulder Calgarian with an XXL inferiority complex.

What! A national survey of Canadians, an Angus Reid poll, giving the one, two and three to this country's cities and Calgary isn't the new No. 1 and even narrowly misses the A-list.

Not No. 1?

Not even clearly on the A-list? Not named the new and shiniest jewel in the crown of Confederation? Not the big city wannabe come of age? Not with the boom, the bucks and the bragging? Not with the shameless self-promotion enough to make the likes of Paris Hilton flinch?

"Are these Canadians insane?" the blindest of the boosters will cry. Calgary. Greatest, best, by definition world-class everything. They must be jealous. They must be idiots. If they don't like Calgary, they don't have to come here. Blah, blah, bluster.

Well, Calgary doesn't do badly since individuals are coming, but only because they see Calgary as the best place to score a job. That's it. That's all. It's good but not great.

Calgary is overwhelmingly viewed as a place where Hidy and Howdy should be replaced with a Help Wanted welcome sign.

In fact, Calgary comes within a hair of making the three-star city selection on the strength of being the hands-down spot for work and second only to Toronto as the place to do business.

Calgary is Canada's Workopolis by huge margins in every region except Quebec, where the city is still a respectable No. 2. To quote the Angus Reid press release accompanying the poll: "In the area of employment, Calgary is definitely the place to be."

Yes, for sports and recreation Calgary is tied for third, though Albertans by a few percent still prefer ... gulp ... Edmonton.

Then Calgary starts to slide. Safest city? Tied for fourth. The category was once Calgary's calling card before the city and its invisible police brass decide idiots can take over sections of the downtown with little push back from the law.

Sense of community, another hallowed trademark of the Calgary of the past?

Fourth again.

As for fun? Fun. This is the page that christened Calgary as The City Fun Forgot. Calgary isn't here for fun. Remember. Jobs. Money.

Calgary isn't near the top for a city to vacation in and if you take the mountains out of the equation, don't ask.

Restaurants? Forget about it.

Nightlife, and we're not talking renting videos or curling up with reports from the office, even humble, unpretentious Winnipeg is ahead of Calgary.

Best city for shopping? Nowhere. Arts and culture? Arts and culture!

Apologies to those valiant few flying the flag of arts and culture but ... this just in, hold the presses, film at 11 ... even Albertans see more culture in buttermilk.

Jobs, money. Got it. Jobs, money. Repeat after me.

Maybe that's why so many people talk a good game about being Calgarians, dyed-in-the-wool until death do us part but actually they quietly vamoose to parts unknown about seven seconds after the job is done and the money has been made. Mission accomplished. Bye-bye.

So, Vancouver is voted best city in Canada, followed by Montreal and Toronto and then Calgary, again with huge points for jobs and high grades for money and middling and lower marks for the rest of life.

Is there any life outside of jobs and money? What happens if the jobs and money cool, what will Calgary offer?

Naturally, noses will be out of joint by such harsh truths. Egos will fortify themselves for a fight against reality.

Thin skin will thicken. Calgary must be the best of the best. Calgary is the best of the best. Exactly the square root of squat is contemplated, considered or changed.

Could there be more?

Three years ago, Ald. Craig Burrows gets into all kinds of commotion when he dares to suggest if there wasn't Stampede he'd probably have to take his visiting brother to the mountains because "what do you really do in this city?"

Burrows admits it isn't a case of nothing to do.

"But I want to have places so amazing people say: Wow, we really want to go there."

Guess, we're still waiting for Wow.

Chin up. Lookee here. Liberals like Ottawa and Vancouver. Makes sense.

NDPers like Vancouver. Really makes sense. But Tories pick ... jobs and money, jobs and money, jobs and money .... Calgary.

Whew. Vindication. All remains pleasant in Pleasantville.